Big Bad Red Riding Hood
by branewurms
Summary: Fairy tale riff. Little Red Riding Hood IS a wolf. Poor little wolf-boys don't stand a chance! Lottie/Oz, gag fic.


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Little Red Riding Hood skipped through the forest late one evening, the shadows growing deep as the sun sank toward the horizon. She hummed a sweet tune to herself, the picture of carefree and innocent youth. Little did she know that dark forests are no place for sweet young maidens - for a hungry wolf was watching her from behind the trees! What shall become of the helpless maiden now?

The merciless scoundrel sprung right out from behind a tree, landing before Red Riding Hood on the path. Red Riding Hood pulled up short, lifting a hand to cover her mouth. "Oh," she said, "That surprised me!"

(Although she didn't really look as surprised as all _that,_ thought the wolf, somewhat disgruntled.)

"Why," said the wolf, with a sparkling, toothy grin, "If it isn't a pretty little Red Riding Hood! And what's your name?"

Red Riding Hood, having been taught proper manners, smiled back - and if her smile was quite as toothy as the wolf's, well, the wolf didn't seem to notice. "Why, how cute!" she exclaimed. "My name's Charlotte, but you can call me Lottie, if you like. And what's your name, little boy?"

The wolf twitched, his smile faltering for an instant. "Ah, but you're mistaken!" he said. "I'm not a little boy; my name is Oz, and I'm a very hungry wolf." He leaned in closer, his eyelids lowering, and from out of nowhere he produced a single red rose. "And if you're not careful, I might just eat you up, pretty little Lottie."

Lottie giggled at the wolf, who looked an awful lot like a cute little blond boy with two furry pointed ears and a long fluffy tail. She accepted his rose with a glint in her eye. "Well, Mister Oz, I'll just have to be careful then, won't I? But you'll have to excuse me for now, because my grandmother is very sick, you see, and I'm bringing her some food so she'll get better soon!" Lottie gestured at the cloth-covered basket hanging from her arm.

"Oh, is that so?" said the wolf, beaming at her. "Little Lotti is such a good girl, isn't she? Well, I guess you'd better hurry then!"

"Good bye then!" said Lottie.

The wolf waved as Lottie skipped on her way; and as soon as she was out of sight, he smiled a cunning, wolfish smile.

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"Come in, dear!" called a false, high voice in response to Lottie's knock.

She walked into the tiny, one-room house to find a small figure standing there in the middle of the floor, dressed in a blue nightgown and a blue nightcap, blond hair all sticking messily out from the sides. "How good to see you! Come here and let bro... grandma look closer!" chirped the 'old woman'.

Lottie raised a demure hand to her mouth to cover her grin. "It's been a while, grandmother! I've missed you!" she said, approaching slowly. "But you know, grandmother... You seem much smaller than before!"

Suddenly Lottie towered over her 'grandmother', and her smile seemed to have a few too many teeth.

The wolf inside the old woman's clothes found himself taking a step back. "Th... That's because you haven't come to visit in so long, dear, and you've grown taller!" said the wolf, laughing nervously.

Lottie reached out and rubbed the wolf's ears thoughtfully, the shape of which were visible beneath the cap. "And your ears seem to have gotten much bigger!"

"That's because old women need big ears to hear with!" said the wolf, taking another step back.

As Lottie kept advancing, she glanced down at the tip of the fluffy tail that peeked out from beneath the wolf's nightgown. "And grandmother... Why, you seem to have grown a tail!"

"That... um, just makes grandma more cuddly, right?" said the wolf, taking several more steps back; but then the backs of his legs hit the edge of the bed.

"Grandmother..." said Lottie, lowering her voice and leaning in very close, her eyes suddenly heavy-lidded and dark. "Your little teeth look awfully sharp."

"Ah - all the better to... eat you up with?" said the wolf uncertainly. Little Red Riding Hood was looking altogether too wolfish for the wolf's comfort. The wolf gulped.

"Is that so?" Lottie wondered. "Really, grandmother... I don't think you're 'grandmother' at all." And with that she pulled off the wolf's nightcap and pulled the nightgown right up over and off of his head.

"Eep," said the wolf, not sounding very fierce or wolf-like at all, as Lottie pushed him down onto the bed and climbed over top of him, sitting her basket next to them on the quilted blanket.

"I think what you are is a very naughty little wolf - isn't that so?" said Lottie, her smile turning wicked. She then proceeded to divest the wolf of his tie and used it to tie his wrists to the headboard.

The wolf let out a cry of surprise, struggling to no avail. "What are you doing?!" he demanded.

"Why, I'm teaching a naughty wolf a lesson, of course!" said Lottie, her voice cheerful and sweet, as she unbuttoned each button on the wolf's shirt one by one.

"Wha - wait! Isn't your real grandmother somewhere around here?! Won't she come back soon?!"

"Silly little wolf!" Lottie chided. "I don't have a grandmother!"

The wolf's jaw dropped. "But - but you said she was sick! You said you were bringing her food!"

Lottie giggled, picking up the basket. "Why, that's just a story I use to lure cute little wolves to my lair!" And then, from beneath the cloth she pulled a long, sleek black whip.

The wolf's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates. "W-wait a moment," he stammered, growing panicked, "I'm sure we can work out a mutual agreement here -"

A loud crack echoed out into the woods around them. No one, of course, heard the wolf's screams - or if they were heard, no one heeded them, preferring to stay safe in their warm cozy beds.

And Red Riding Hood devoured the poor little wolf long into the night.


End file.
